A good cooperation needs time to talk and time for explanations

20.11.2012

Last summer I told you that one of my guideline to raise our daughter has been to give time to her. It has meant many things in practice. One thing is that I´ve used a lot of time to talk with my daughter.

I`ve been surprised how an adaptable toddler Unna has become. One reason for that is probably her personality. I`ve also read that talking a lot with your child – explaining and listening to her/him help your child to grow as a person who adapts well to changes in life. I have noticed that talking and explaining is important, not only with children, but also in other areas of life.

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During my pregnancy we talked a lot with Unna about her forthcoming little sister/brother and what that means to Unna and our family life.

Commands without explanations are waste of time and frustrating for all

Already when Unna was just a newborn I talked a lot with her. I explained to her in the morning what we are going to do during that day. In the evenings I told her what we had done. I also asked her how her day had gone, and had she liked the things we had done. On Sundays I explained to her what we would do during the following week. If some of our plans changed I explained also them to her beforehand.

Besides telling Unna what we are going to do, I also explained to her why we would do things and why we would do them in a certain way. The result of all this talking and explaining has been that we have done quite a lot of things together, been in many places and with different people. The things we have done has gone in most cases without any big problems. And because I`ve been able to do so many things with my daughter I`ve been surprised how little a child has actually restricted my life and how smoothly most of the things have gone with her. And everyone who has children knows what it means for the wellbeing of the whole family when things go smoothly with your children!

As all parents also I have days when I`m tired or too busy to explain things to my daughter. What I do then? I command. I don`t give her reasons why she needs to do something or listen to her opinion  – I`ll just command her to do things in the way I want her to do them (and do them straight away). Of course sometimes that kind of  behavior is justifiable and right. But is it beneficial in the long run? No, it isn`t. It doesn`t matter whether it`s your child, spouse or employee, if you always just command without giving any explanations or listening to your opponents opinion, you can expect only an increasing opposition to your wishes and cooperation in the long run. 

All in all both children and people in general are much more cooperative than we often think. Achieving a good cooperation just needs time; Time to get to know each other. Time for talking and listening to each other. Time for explaining what, when and why. 

So give time for people both at home and in working life and you may surprise how well cooperation may work and how well your wishes may come true!

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