Searching for a good conscience and concentration

26.7.2012

The vegetable garden is doing well. My “seedling babies” are still small but they are getting stronger and stronger every day. Following the growth makes me happy.

However this summer I follow also another kind growth – the baby in my stomach is growing and developing. “I have so many reasons to smile”, I thought when I was once again walking to the vegetable garden.

Steps towards a good conscience and concentration

Last spring was busy in our family and because of that I had little possibilities to concentrate on the baby and the pregnancy in general. I felt bad about that. I promised to myself that during the summer I would give more time just for the baby.

When we were hoping for the baby I already knew that the second pregnancy would be different than the first one. Now there would be Unna to take care of. I also knew that I would adapt to the new situation and the fact that every child would grow in a little bit different environment and circumstances. Still the reality surprised me. When I`ve tried to concentrate on Unna I`ve have had a bad conscience, when I´ve concentrated on the baby I`ve had a bad conscience, when I´ve concentrated on my husband I`ve had a bad conscience and when I`ve concentrated on myself I`ve had a bad conscience. Bad conscience because every time I`ve concentrated on something, it has taken the time away from something else really important.

I`ve realized that the bad conscience belongs to a mother`s life. I`ve also realized that I can get away from the bad conscience if I work on that. And I want to because continuous bad conscience does bad to my own wellbeing, and in the long run, to my family`s wellbeing too. I also know that I’m able do many things at the same time if needed. I just don`t want to do that anymore. I`ve noticed that it has the same bad effect on my wellbeing. I`ve noticed that by doing so I actually don`t concentrate well on anything. While doing many things at the same time I`m actually not really present. And that is what I don`t want anymore.

Following thoughts have helped me to get rid of the continuous bad conscience and to concentrate better:

Accept the fact that:

  • you can really concentrate only one thing at a time.
  • you have many beloved people who (and things which) you would like to give as much time as possible.
  • the time is limited.
  • these facts concern for everyone and you just have to learn to live with them.

After accepting the facts work on the following things:

  • Make a list what is actually important in your life and on what things you really want to use your time.  
  • Start to eliminate the things which take your time but are not on your list.
  • Start to think the ways to optimize your time spend on things that are not on your list but that you just need to do.
  • Start to plan your time and book some time for each important people/thing on your list.
  • Prioritize!
  • Concentrate on the person with who you are or what you do, and learn to “forget” the  other things for that time.
  • Later on be aware of how good it felt to be able to really concentrate on somebody/something! Be happy about that with a good conscious.
1

In the vegetable garden I “talk” with the baby in my stomach. It is time for just two of us.

2

This time my work in the vegetable garden was to thin out the seedlings. Parsnips were the target at this time.

3

And beetroot seedlings were the other ones.

4

Henri had backed up pea sprouts with the chicken net and my work was to put the peas on the string

5

My spinach babies are growing well. That`s good because I ❤ spinach.

5b

Last summer our onions didin`t grow that well but this summer they do. I`m happy about it because we use a lot of onions in our food.

6

I like beans but I`m still learning to use them more diversely

7

One work phase done. Now I can rest a while and just let the vegetable garden grow.

8

When following the nature I realize how fast the time goes. I just saw flowers of wild strawberries and now the berries are already ready to eat.

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