The vegetable garden is doing well. My “seedling babies” are still small but they are getting stronger and stronger every day. Following the growth makes me happy.
However this summer I follow also another kind growth – the baby in my stomach is growing and developing. “I have so many reasons to smile”, I thought when I was once again walking to the vegetable garden.
Steps towards a good conscience and concentration
Last spring was busy in our family and because of that I had little possibilities to concentrate on the baby and the pregnancy in general. I felt bad about that. I promised to myself that during the summer I would give more time just for the baby.
When we were hoping for the baby I already knew that the second pregnancy would be different than the first one. Now there would be Unna to take care of. I also knew that I would adapt to the new situation and the fact that every child would grow in a little bit different environment and circumstances. Still the reality surprised me. When I`ve tried to concentrate on Unna I`ve have had a bad conscience, when I´ve concentrated on the baby I`ve had a bad conscience, when I´ve concentrated on my husband I`ve had a bad conscience and when I`ve concentrated on myself I`ve had a bad conscience. Bad conscience because every time I`ve concentrated on something, it has taken the time away from something else really important.
I`ve realized that the bad conscience belongs to a mother`s life. I`ve also realized that I can get away from the bad conscience if I work on that. And I want to because continuous bad conscience does bad to my own wellbeing, and in the long run, to my family`s wellbeing too. I also know that I’m able do many things at the same time if needed. I just don`t want to do that anymore. I`ve noticed that it has the same bad effect on my wellbeing. I`ve noticed that by doing so I actually don`t concentrate well on anything. While doing many things at the same time I`m actually not really present. And that is what I don`t want anymore.
Following thoughts have helped me to get rid of the continuous bad conscience and to concentrate better:
Accept the fact that:
- you can really concentrate only one thing at a time.
- you have many beloved people who (and things which) you would like to give as much time as possible.
- the time is limited.
- these facts concern for everyone and you just have to learn to live with them.
After accepting the facts work on the following things:
- Make a list what is actually important in your life and on what things you really want to use your time.
- Start to eliminate the things which take your time but are not on your list.
- Start to think the ways to optimize your time spend on things that are not on your list but that you just need to do.
- Start to plan your time and book some time for each important people/thing on your list.
- Concentrate on the person with who you are or what you do, and learn to “forget” the other things for that time.
- Later on be aware of how good it felt to be able to really concentrate on somebody/something! Be happy about that with a good conscious.