By saying “no” to one thing, you`ll say “yes” to another

8.11.2012

“Yes” is a word that is easier to say than “no”. By answering “yes” you make other people happy. I used to say “yes” often. “Yes” because I was afraid to say “no”. I was afraid of the consequences of “no”; that I would miss or be excluded of something important. That the one asking would not like me anymore or would think that I`m selfish.

When me and my husband started planning to have kids we started to think about time; that the time is limited for everyone. That you are the one who make decisions how you want to use the time that is given to you.

Our conclusion about time was that we need it more. We needed to arrange more time to our family life. Only that way we could raise our children in a way we wanted to, have still time for us and have energy to work. In short; keep sane and keep up the balance in life.

After our conclusion I started to think about my answers more. I started to use a word “no”.

Your answers lead your life closer to what you want or take it further away from it

With my answers I started to “make” time. It didn`t mean that I just started to say “no” to everything and to everyone. It meant that I started to think what things promote my “dream life” and what things take my life further from it. Based on that I decided my answers.

In practice it meant many changes in my life; changes in hobbies, diet and consumption. Hardest decision was to quit a job that I liked. However also for that I had to say “no”. I realized that the job required more time than I was ready to give in the future.

During one year I said “no” to many things. Did I enjoy it? No. I was terrified. It`s easy to plan something in your head but making it concrete is a whole different thing. Most of all I was afraid to say “no” to new job offers. Afraid because I was then in a situation where I had only a feeling that a suitable job for me in the future would be something else than my previous ones or the ones that were offered to me.

Why did I continue then? The reason is simple; along the change I became happier. The better I felt, the less I was afraid to say “no”. I realized that by answering “no” to some things I had silently started to answer “yes” to some other  – things that I`d like to have in my life.

As the old saying goes; “When one door closes another opens”. With your answers you either take your life stronger into your own hands or you let your life flow further from that kind of a life you would like to live. 

Nowadays my life is closer to that kind of life I`ve dreamed of living. And because my life looks and feels more like me, also the wellbeing of myself and our family has increased.  I`ve used my extra time for studying and developing my own working plans. And what is more important, I`ve used my time for our family and for raising our daughter. Jobs come and go but your children are small only once. One of my biggest dream was to give my children a possibility to be home for the first years of their lives. With my and my husband`s decisions we`ve made that possible.

And damn it feels good to use your time to the things you love and have dreamed of! 

mother_and_daughter

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