There’s a topic that I’m quite fed up with. Communication in a relationship. That’s because I’ve talked about it more than enough during the past 3 years.
And here I am, posting about it again. Why? Well, because the truth is that bad communication can cause a lot of stress and be harmful for your mental and physical health.
There’s also another reason, and this is a story about it.
Those of you who have followed this blog longer know that me and my husband have had some problems in our marriage before. (You can read about it here.)
One of the biggest reasons for our problems has been -surprise, surprise- bad communication. Frankly speaking it has sometimes felt that me and my husband are from different planets.
They say that poor communication is one of the biggest reasons for divorces. I can agree with that.
I can also say that it can cause quite a big mess over the time.
We’ve cleaned up our mess for the past 3 years.
We’ve talked about old stuff that we didn’t have the skills before and new stuff we just didn’t realize to be important.
Deep stuff that is. Childhood stuff, ex-relationships stuff, fear stuff, shameful stuff, etc.
Some time ago I read the article “9 Things Super Happy Couples Talk About”. Past 3 years we have talked mainly just about those topics. And you know what?
Talking only about “meaningful topics” didn’t made us Super Happy. It made us exhausted, nervous and turned our relationship into one big serious conversation.
And we all know how happy that kind of a relationship is.
Ok, so we realized that we need to change. Enough is enough. So we went out to eat and decided to just chit chat.
We couldn’t do it! A few time we just ended up sitting silently in a restaurant face-to-face, both feeling really awkward.
You really can loose any skill you have if you don’t use it.
In couples therapy the therapist works as an intermediate between the spouses and helps them to communicate with each other and find a common language.
We thought that we needed some kind of an intermediate too to find a common language. We decided to give nature that role.
We went to pick funnel chantarelles together. We didn’t plan to talk or not to talk about anything.
We just decided to pick some mushrooms.
We walked in the forest and every now and then changed some words about mushrooms.
We picked a bit more, cleaned them, walked and talked about the weather.
And when we did that I felt it was the most meaningful talk we’ve had for a long time!
It is said that a good relationship starts with good communication. But a good relationship needs not only conversations. It needs chit chat too. And all interaction works better in a relaxed environment.
You relax in nature’s peace and silence. And a relaxed mental and physical state makes communication a lot easier.
Good communication is a hard to learn. In a relationship and marriage it’s even harder because it usually involves so many strong emotions.
Me and my husband almost ruined ours with bad communication. But luckily just almost. Now “the table is clean” so to speak and we work much better as a couple.
Investing in your communication skills is worth to invest in. Not only to improve the quality of your relationships but also your work. If you’re interested in developing your skills, here’s a good article about more effective communication.
Just remember to invest in surroundings too. It really makes the difference where you have your conversations or chit chats.
Less stress means better choices with words.