365 Ways To Wellbeing – 342nd Way
Would you speak to your child in the same way as you speak to yourself? If he would fail or make a mistake would you A) criticize him and call him stupid or would you B) try to comfort him and be supportive?
Answers are quite obvious, or what?
If realizations about ego have been a big thing in my life during this autumn, so have been the ones about my inner voice. The way I speak to myself is just awful! The amount of critic that I give to myself goes beyond all measures. The demands that I set for myself as a mother or as a woman are way too high… or how perfect I should be on my work… or how hard it is for me to allow me to make mistakes.. I would NEVER speak to ANYONE else in the same way as I speak to myself!
Critic evaluates you and judges your behaviour all the time. It points out your mistakes and weaknesses and compares you with the others. It says things like “How could you be so stupid!” or “Why do you always do like that!”. Critic weakens your self-esteem.
Perfectionist is a cousin of critic. It creates anxiety by saying constantly that your efforts aren´t good enough. It forces you to be the best and doesn’t tolerate setbacks or mistakes. Its favorite sentences start with “I should…”, “I have to…”. Perfectionist advances chronic stress and burnout.
Worrier waits for the worst to happen and exaggerates the possibility of a failure. Its favourite sentence starts “What if…?” Worrying makes anxiety worse.
Victim feels like being helpless and hopeless. It notices insuperable obstacles between you and your goals. It whines and complains making you to believe that nothing is ever going to change in your life and you can´t ever change. Its favorite sentences start with “I can´t…” , “I will never…”. Victim makes depression worse.
These were some examples about different negative inner voices. Critic and perfectionist – Yes, especially they live very strongly in me.
This was not the best day in my life. I felt I was a bad mother, a bad wife and a bad blogger. After I recognized the critic and perfectionist inside me I´ve tried to learn a kinder kinder way to to speak to myself. Mainly I´ve not succeed very well but this day I managed to do that! I managed to silence the critic and perfectionist inside me and gave myself at least a little bit understanding, kindness and compassion. It felt so good! It gave me hope that maybe some day this positive inner voice would be my natural way to speak to myself 🙂
What is the tone of your inner voice? Is the tone of your inner dialogue kind, understanding and forgiving or is it demanding, criticizing and judgmental?
If you want to make a BIG favor for your wellbeing, learn to speak to yourself in the same way as you would speak to your child. Learn more positive and encouraging tone and way to speak to yourself!
Read more about my “Wellbeing Challenge 2013 – 365 Ways To Wellbeing”.